There I was sitting by myself in what seem to be the only safe haven I had at the moment. Everyone had left. I sat quietly observing the room around me. The bed Harvey had slept in the last couple of days was now empty. The only sound heard was muffled voices from outside. I stared at my slippers realizing that it was the first time I had ever wore or owned a pair of slippers. Every move I made I was in pain. As I continued to observe my surroundings, an overwhelming feeling began to cloud over me as my attention turned to the little baby girl sleeping peacefully in her hospital crib. She was wrapped so cozy in a hospital blanket making little movement and at that moment I realized I was a mom. This little person was now my person. She is the person that will have to depend on me for everything. Every day since, Haylen J. has forever changed my life.
I have been contemplating for weeks what I should write about for my next blog. I thought what is different about this time of year for me. Then it hit me, Haylen! She is turning 8 this month. 8!!! Where does the time GO? I mean I’ve heard other parents always tell me to enjoy the moments because it goes by fast. Indeed it has. Realizing that everyday her personality shines bright and noticing the transition from little girl to young lady. Haylen is a fact checker; catch you in your own lies detective. I would like to believe she gets that from her father. [BIG SARCASTIC EYEROLL] She is a person with big dreams and strong opinions. She is also a very ask a million questions before anything gets done. She’s my little lady.
Some of you know that I was pregnant right out of high school and some of you don’t. This moment in life was huge for me. Becoming a parent is never easy especially at that age. I’ve always wanted to know what it feels like to have a mother in my life. So becoming a mother myself has been an adjustment, trust me I’m still trying to get a hold of having two children.
Believe me when I say, Haylen saved me from my own destruction. She’s been there when I felt like I was all alone in this world. She gave me that uplifting excitement when she learned to crawl. She was there when I felt like school would be impossible to finish. I would watch her sleep while I was up late studying . She was there when I decided that it was time to get help for my depression. She was my constant reminder that I didn’t want to end up like my mother. Finally the happiest day of my life was seeing her on graduation day be so proud me. Reminding both of us of how far we’ve come.
So to my dear Haylen,
May you always be humble, kind, and independent. May all your dreams come true. You have so much courage and strength. You have taught me so much about myself as a mother and as a person. You continue to show me everyday what it means to be a kid. I tell you everyday that I want you to be better than me. You deserve the opportunity to become anything you want in this world. You have so much passion to care for others and that makes my heart full. The amount of patience you have for your brother hasn’t come easy, but you do such a wonderful job. You are an amazing big sister! Thomas is very lucky to have a caring, passionate, and honest role model. We all love you very much. You are an awesome big sister, but you are an AMAZING Daughter.
HAPPY 8TH BIRTHDAY!